So I've been feeling kind of sad recently, and I THINK a little sorry for myself, because of some stuff. Stuff being my breastfeeding Sam coming to an end. Even while I was pregnant, I didn't know if I would be weirded out by it, but truth be told, I will miss it - it's been sweet. I won't get into all the feelings I'm sorting through, but suffice it to say, it's a very personal and complex set of feelings.
Today, I had one of those, "dang, that really put things into perspective" moments . It's funny how God allows you to experience one of those every now and then. His timing is perfect.
If you'll recall, my neighbor Randy and his wife, have been dealing with her cancer for who knows how long. Bob and I have debated and struggled with how, and what we can do, to love them best. I ended up taking dinner over and chatting for a few minutes. Nothing radical happened. They (Randy and his wife's mom) didn't invite me in, but they were friendly and appreciative.
Last night, Bob and I were sitting on the couch talking and he was wondering how Randy's wife, Sandra was doing. I wondered too. Neither of us really feel like we can just go over and ask, basically because we felt like she probably wasn't doing too great and usually, at times like those, people only want family, if anyone, around.
I'm leading up to this, not because it isn't the point of the post or doesn't deserve to be mentioned first. I'm trying to let you all travel through the thoughts with me.
So, today I got back from running errands and Randy's son was outside. Our conversation went something like this:
Me: How's it going?
Him: Oh,...alright I guess.
Me: (after almost walking on inside) Hey, how's your mom doing?
Him: She actually passed away this morning.
Me: (pretty stinkin' shocked) Oh my gosh,...I am so sorry to hear that.
Him: Yea, it was about 2 this morning.
Me: Aww man. We were wondering how she was because we've seen so many people over here recently.
Him: Yea.
Me: How's your dad?
Him: He's pretty tore up.
Me: Man, she was just working outside a couple months ago.
Him: Yea, it was that fast.
Etc, etc.
I'm emotional...it's true, and I cried as soon as I got back in the house. I cried for Randy mainly, because he has lost his best friend. I cried for the suffering she endured. And I cried I guess, because life deserves that. I didn't know her. In fact, I only said "hi" a few times but her life was precious and it deserves the respect of mourning. I wish I could say I know she's with Jesus, but I don't.
I sure hope she is.
Now for a delicate issue. What do we do? Do we stick a heartfelt card in the mailbox and allow them some privacy? Do we take dinner again? Do we invite Randy over for dinner in a couple weeks to get his mind off things? We definitely do not want to do something thinking it's for him and it really just be to make ourselves feel better.
Any advice? Especially from anyone who has lost a family member. What would you recommend? I won't assume anything we do will be helpful. What can "help" in this type of situation?
6 comments:
I wish I did, but I honestly have no advice... but I will definitely be praying for Randy, their son (how old is he?), and the whole family... and for you and Bob to know what to do. Sounds cliche, but it's true... He'll show you. Just like the italian bread and chicken dish... He'll show you just what to do.
With all three babies I felt the breast-feeding mourn. There's something so sweet about it, but you must end someday.
I am so sad about your neighbors. I cried as I read the post. Since you are their neighbors, you could go and pay your respects at their house or the viewing, just to let them know you care. Dinner would be another good way, in a week or two. If they don't have a church family, then they will need a meal or two. Pray for them earnestly.
That is tough on both accounts. I can't imagine losing a spouse...just pray for them and offer any kindness you feel led to offer. Pray for them...
And breastfeeding...it really bugs me when people don't understand what special and emotional relationship it is. Praying for you as you let go of that sweet time. It's really hard moving from one sweet stage to the next!
I SO hope that I am able to breastfeed with our first child, coming early June.
I think any kind gesture you choose to do for your neighbor will be appreciated. I know that when my grandfather passed away, my family appreciated a few meals/casseroles that could just be heated up when no one felt like cooking...
I definitely thinking taking dinner over is helpful. For us, that was huge. You just don't want to think about that kind of thing, and really you forget to think about it. I will pray for them. And, pray for you, I know stopping breastfeeding is hard. I'm sure I will be in the same boat soon.
I know when we lost my aunt that had been living with us from cancer, it was helpful to have grocceries and toilet paper dropped off! Things like cereal, chips, snacks...we had a TON of family coming for the funeral and all, so things like that, in addition to whole, hot meals, helped! You might keep an eye out to see if it looks like a lot of people are coming/going, and drop off a care basket type of thing with a few practical things like that!
Im so sorry to hear about this...we will keep their family in our prayers!
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