A Warhead for Grey

To be fair, I warned him a few times before I actually started filming.
“You won’t like it…it’s too sour,” I told him.
“I really don’t think you’ll like it, but if you want to try it, you can.”
And he did.
And I was on the phone, filming him at the same time.

This is why I can’t talk on the phone.

On Hand Holding

I had to make a quick run to Target today during nap time, even though I was advised by Bob to have a thrifty week a.k.a. stay the heck away from Target. I took Sam with me for a little one-on-one time, because as I've mentioned, that's hard to squeeze in.

We were holding hands crossing the parking lot, and this precious little conversation took place:

Me: When you get old enough to have a girlfriend, are you gonna hold her hand like this?
Sam: (smiling) Yeaaaa, but I'll still hold your hand too.
Me: You will?! That's great news!
Sam: Yea, with THIS hand. (raising up his other hand proudly) See? I've got two hands.

Can you please just picture a teenage Sam holding hands with his girlfriend on one side and his mom on the other? Hilarious, but my goodness it was sweet to hear.

Dating Advice

We try to take our kids on "dates" pretty regularly. As in, one parent with one kid for a little quality time where they get all of our attention. Usually we end up at Yogurt Mountain for these dates. I don't hate that. Sometimes, we just go run an errand. This is, of course, fun for them because they get to walk inside, instead of ride in a cart, and put all the merchandise up on the conveyor belt, or "pay for it."

A few days ago, I picked up Chick-fil-a and Grey, Bo, and I went and had a little picnic near Sam's school while we waited to pick him up. I mentioned to Grey that it was kinda like we were having a date (since Bo was strapped in a stroller and therefore, was pretty low maintenance).

I complimented Grey on holding the door open for me and using good manners. I reminded him that was the way he should act when he gets older and takes a girl out on a date. Here's how our conversation went.

Me: Grey, you sure are being a gentleman...holding the door open for me and using such nice manners!
Grey: Yea...
Me: That's how you should act when you get older and take a girl on a real date. Guys should take care of girls on their dates.
Grey: (silence)
Me: Really, the only difference is that you'll need to pay for the girl.
Grey: How she gunna fit? (with quite the confused face)
Me: Huh?
Grey: How she gunna fit on da paya? (Translation: How is she going to fit on the conveyor belt?)
Me: Oh, hahaha, no honey...I mean you'll need to buy her food for her, not actually pay for HER.

That's an entirely different conversation.

Once Again, My Children Prove Candy Advertising Is Aimed Directly At Them

Tell a child something and most times, they'll take it quite literally.

Here, I'll show you.

Sam and I had dentist appointments today. After we got through all the debate about whether or not he was going to go with me, (he said he was NOT going to go, I told him he was), and decided what his treat would be afterwards, we headed out.

I was elected to go first. Yay. Sam kinda watched while I was scraped, poked, polished, and flossed. The rest of the time he snorted at me, ran his toys around the wall, jumped up and kicked the wall, and drank my swish water...oh and pushed all the water buttons he could find. Obviously he was getting away with more of this than usual because my mouth was full of dental tools.

After his turn, during which he did just fine, I had my final check from the dentist. He got part of his treat, a few Skittles, one of each color to be specific. Now, I had been talking up the Skittles, telling him it was like tasting the rainbow because of all the different colors. You know, employing their own advertising strategy.

While I'm laying in the chair, with him at my feet and the dentist checking my bite, I hear the hygienist (who was great by the way and had lots of experience with pediatric dentistry) say, "oh! Sam, do you need a paper towel?!" To which he replied, "noooo, I was just looking at the rainbow." I busted out laughing, knowing he was filling up his hand with Skittle spit.

Who can blame him? Well done Skittles, well done.

Tell Me This Isn’t Awesome

*The Christmas “tour” will be posted tomorrow. I’ve got a couple participants who requested an extra day AND I need to take my pictures. Sigh*

Feel Free to Add Your Own Caption in the Comments

According to Sam, he was trying very hard to peddle the trailer with Grey on it. That’s a  legit explanation. But that expression?
That expression still looks pretty evil to me.

Maybe not his very best picture ever.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

Grey turned 2 on Sunday.
Good. Gracious.

I have a "Dear Grey" post formulating in my head. It'll have to wait though.

For now, I give you this little treasure.

If You Say It, They Will Repeat It

Everyone knows kids pick up phrases, inflection, and often times, bad words from their parents.

Here's a recent conversation from our house indicating that just this very thing is occuring.

A few days ago
Sam: Blah blah blah, dangit!
Me: Hey, where'd you hear that?
Sam: (smiling sheepishly) From you...
Me: Well it doesn't sound very nice coming from you. I guess I need to work on not saying it anymore, huh?

While he was frantically searching our living room
Sam: Where is the freakin' DVD?!
Me: What'd you just say, buddy?
Sam: (again with the sheepish smile) Where is the freakin' DVD?
Me: I don't want you saying that anymore.
Sam: Well...I guess you just need to work on not saying it.

Awesome.

A New Kind of Self-Discipline

Let's get this out of the way...we spank our kids. Not a whole lot and not real hard but for select "offenses" we spank. The spankings are for things they have been warned about before, they get talked about afterwards and we hug and reassure them after the spanking.

So...moving along with the story.

We were in the car today, on our way home, and Sam committed a spankable offense. I told him he would be getting a spanking when we got home. A few days ago I warned that a spanking was coming if he did something again and he told me I would forgot by the time I got him. Awesome.

Anyway, we were close to home today so I didn't forget. We got home and he started crying saying he didn't want a spanking. He then proceeded to head on inside. When I got the other two in, he was standing in the kitchen kind of crying, pulling his pants up...telling me I didn't need to spank him because he already spanked himself.

Please know I was trying my hardest to stifle laughter here.

I asked him what he used (we normally use the spanking spoon). He used his hand.
I asked him to show me what he did. He pulled his underwear down and popped his bottom a couple times.

Again, stifling the laughter.

I'd love to tell you that I let him get off with no actual spanking...

Any of you guys have a 3 year-old who disciplines themselves?

Who Doesn't Like Outtakes?

We had some family pictures done a few weeks ago by my friend, Ashley. (She and I trade off work. It's definitely the way to go!)

Here are some outtakes.

A nice little sequence of pain, courtesy of Sam.




I don't know that I've ever seen anyone's eyes shut quite this tightly...



I don't even know what's going on here...but I do know I love those sweet hugs.




And we'll end with this one.
Sam's got this new thing where he grabs everyone by their necks. I don't love it.

Not This Year, Folks

Remember last April Fool's? Not gonna lie. I got a big kick of doing that...but mostly because it was true and just well-timed. Apparently my husband got quite a big kick out of something similar. Today, on Twitter, he said ... . Yes folks, this is an actual April Fool's Day joke. I am not pregnant. I repeat, I am not pregnant. Just wanted to clear up any lingering confusion.

You Know, Like on Toy Story 3

It's Big Baby!

Let's Ask Bob

I've seen a few people do these blog posts recently. You ask your husband the following questions and everyone gets to see how well he pays attention.
Obviously, in these questions, I am "she."

1. She’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
Project Runway or Law and Order
Not a bad guess. These are probably just his two least favorite shows I watch.

2. You’re out to eat, what kind of dressing does she get on her salad?
Ranch
Ehh. I usually go with a ceasar salad (with ceasar dressing) or some kind of vinaigrette. However, if it's a salad bar, think Ruby Tuesday, Ranch it is.

3. What’s one food she doesn’t like?
Sour krout
That is true.

4. You go out to eat and have a drink, what does she order?
Odouls
Ok, this made me laugh. Real answer is Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper.

5. What shirt size does she have?
M
True.

6. What shoe size does she have?
7.5
Also true.

7. What’s her favorite type of sandwich?
Turkey
More specifically, I'd go with Frontega Chicken Sandwich from Panera, or a turkey Publix sub.

8. What would she eat everyday if she could?
Popcorn
Maybe in college. Now I'd have to say Pepperidge Farm cinnamon bread.

9. What is her favorite cereal?
Cin. Crunch
Not a bad guess but I think Golden Grahams.

10. What would she never wear?
Hopefully a beard
Well...that's true.

11. What is her favorite sports team?
Auburn
Yep.

12. What is something she does that you wish she wouldn’t do?
Sighs a lot...
Ahh, haha. That one made me laugh too. Babe, try having a 5 lb. baby inside your belly and getting up from sitting on the floor anywhere or bending over without sighing.

13. What is her heritage?
Really, its 2010, not sure how to answer this one.
I know there's some German in there and also some "Scotch-Irish", right Dad?

14. You bake her a cake, what kind of cake?
I do what?!
Pretty accurate. I'm lucky if he leaves me a brownie from the pan I bake.

15. Did she play sports in high school?
Soccer & flag core
Hmmm, is flag core a sport? Isn't it flag corp? I played soccer, volleyball, ran cross-country and swam.

16. What could she spend hours doing?
Reading blogs
Or shopping or napping. How lazy does that make me sound?!

17. What is the unique talent that she has?
Creativity
Thanks babe.

18. What is her type of coffee?
Pumpkin
Pumpkin spice latte? True.

If you do a post like this, be sure to let me know in the comments. I'd love to see your husband/boyfriend's answers!

Ok, Who Told Grey He Needed to One-up Sam?

You know how people will often times put a warning at the beginning of a blog post.

THIS IS YOUR WARNING.
Take it seriously.
The following post is a story about poop being in places it shouldn't be.
And there are pictures.
Graphic pictures.
I don't wanna hear any complaints about the grossness of the pictures because I have warned you...seriously warned you.

If you're still reading because you doubt my definition of a serious warning, here it is again...this is a gross post.
Cool with that?
Then carry on.

The boys have been waking up a little earlier the last few months - Sam because he wakes up and needs to go to the bathroom and Grey...I guess because his room old room is so bright.

Saturday morning, they were both awake and just talking in their rooms around 7:45/8:00, so Bob and I took advantage of that and just laid in bed for a little later than usual.

You know what that cost us?

It cost us this.

Wait....what IS that?

"Oh noooooo."

Gag, gag, gaggity, gag.
You can almost smell it, can't you?

Grey was so happy playing in and eating his own poop that he was content for a good 15-20 minutes of "just talking in his crib."

I imagine he was probably saying something along the lines of...
"Let's just take this poopy diaper off. I'll save Mom and Dad the trouble."
"Oh shoot, I don't have any wipes in my crib. I guess I'll just use my hand."
"Where else can I put my poop that hasn't already been decorated with my poop? Ahh! The wall, of course!!"
"Mmm, this poop is delicious! How lucky am I?!"

And since I see this as a teaching moment...

Grey, you did not save us any trouble, kiddo.

Your hand is NEVER a good alternative for a wipe.

Poop is NOT normally used for decoration.

And no, according to popular belief, poop is not delicious and no one who gets it in their mouth considers themselves to be lucky.

Please Give Me Some Potty Training

Sometimes Sam wants me in the bathroom to "help" him go...maybe he wants an audience.

Other times, he pushes me out, closes the door and says, "I would like you to leave and give me some potty training."

He means privacy.

Explaining Pregnancy to a Toddler - Take 1

While I was getting Sam ready for his nap today, he kept jumping at my mid-section saying, "I want go in your tummy." Of course, I kept telling him he was too big to go in my tummy.

Lots of times, I scratch his back before he goes to sleep. To get this started, he'll lay on his back, pull up his shirt so his stomach is showing, and ask me to scratch his back. So later, while we were snuggling, I asked him if he thought the baby was a boy or a girl. He said, "gurl." Then he pulled my shirt up and said, "I scratch her tummy," (meaning he was scratching the baby's tummy). How precious is that?

Here's how my feeble attempt at trying to explain why he can't scratch the baby's tummy went.
Me: "Buddy, that's so sweet but you can't scratch her tummy because she's INSIDE of my tummy."
Sam: "Where?"
Me: "In my tummy, on the inside."
Sam: "Let me see."
Me: "Hmm, you know the chicken nuggets you ate at lunch? They're inside your tummy. Can you touch them?"
Sam: opens mouth and sticks fingers in, then starts to giggle
Me: "See? You can't touch them because they're inside."

After that, there was a lot of belly pushing and belly button poking (which can be quite painful).

Poor kid. I probably made it even more confusing. Maybe we should stick with the story that babies come from eating a really big meal....

Sorry Mom and Dad

But you're the butt of this joke.


"EbeePoppa had dah diawewah...dats not joke...turn it 'round and let me see" (referring to the camera).

Quite possibly only funny to our family.

Everyday Absurdities - Buy This Book

If you haven't been reading Tyler Stanton's blog, you're missing out.
Thankfully, since it's out there on the internet, it's out there for good. So you've still got time.

In fact, as a gift to yourself, you should go ahead and buy his book. It's hilarious. I'm talking audible chuckles hilarious. (And if you buy it this week, use the promo code H5J74D59 to get it for a measly $8.99!)
Not looking for a gift for yourself? How about a gift for that person who's so difficult to buy for? I just bought one for a 30th birthday present. We pulled it out at the party and it was quite a hit!
Not looking for a gift? Here are a gazillion other things you could use it for.

And in the interest of full disclosure, and to let you know how cool Tyler is, he's giving $100 away to help in the aid of this promotion. I'd tell y'all about it anyway, but the possibility of winning $100 is quite the incentive to go ahead and hammer this post out.

Don't Unbutton that Shirt Just Yet

We sat down for dinner the other night when Sam realized he didn't have a drink. He quickly and emphatically asked me to get his milk, asking, "where IS it, Mommy?"

I was feeding Grey which prompted a few more questions. It went something like this.

S: "Mommy, whachew do-een?"
Me: "I'm feeding Grey."
S: "Have milk?"
Me: "Well, sort of. Grey can't have the same milk you drink."
S: (holding his cup towards Grey) "Here Grey."
Me: "That's sweet of you to share, buddy, but Grey can't drink that milk."
S: "Where's it come from?"
(Bob and I look at each other. Muffled chuckling insues.)
Me: "It comes from me, bud."

At this point, Sam starts unbuttoning his shirt and reaching his hand inside and mumbling something about "I feed Grey..."

Toddler Musings: Kiss it

Like most children, when he gets injured, Sam likes to get a kiss on whatever is hurt. Usually, that's not a problem. That's just to help you understand the root of the following conversation.

While riding in the car...
Sam: Daddy's happy!
Me: Well...
Bob: Daddy's not happy. Daddy doesn't feel good.
Me: Daddy's head and tummy hurt.
S: And bottom.
Me: No, I don't think his bottom hurts.

About 15 seconds pass.

S: Kiss Daddy head and tummy.
M: Awww, that's so sweet Buddy. You wanna kiss Daddy's head so it feels better?
S: Yes. And bottom.

Go right ahead Sam, go right ahead.