In the past, when asked to do something I really don't have time to do (or really don't want to do), it seems like I've been able to do it without a problem.
I guess this has changed.
Over the past couple weeks, I have found myself to be
1- There's too much that I want to do.
2 - I get easily distracted and often have lots of "projects" going on at one time - because of #1
3 - For whatever reason, I feel like I have to defend what I do with my time, and explain to others why I don't have time for something they want me to do. If I don't feel like I have an adequate explanation, or if I feel like they're doubting me, (usually the latter), I'll usually just add the new task to my "projects".
(An easy example is that when asked by others what I do, saying "I stay at home with Sam" doesn't seem to be a significant enough answer. I don't think I've ever had the response, "oh wow! you must be busy". Usually, I just get silene and a questioning stare, as if to say, "annnnd....". Obviously there are moms with much more going on than I have. I've just got one little one for now. Honestly, there is time to handle a little more while I'm home with him. And trust me, I am doing that. However, I always catch myself feeling like I need to have 5 or 6 "things" to rattle off when asked that question. Doesn't taking care of a child encompass so many things?)
No one can ever know all that you have going on...probably not even your own family. This is only because lots of it is going on in your head. You know your own intentions which can cause, what I like to refer to as, mental chaos.
Before Sam, working full-time, trying to take care of a house, cooking every night and keeping up a good relationship with Bob kept me good and busy. I think most of us excel in a few areas and the others are always lacking...always needing more attention. Once Sam got here, I couldn't imagine working full-time and doing a good job training and caring for Sam, while keepinig up a good relationship with Bob.
Could I just keep Sam safe and Bob happy? Sure, but I'm called/charged to/responsible for doing so much more than that. And that takes a lot of time and energy.
So, what's the point of this post? Really I think I'm providing myself with some accountability. I got my hands in too much and I need to back off on some stuff.
Does that mean doing less of what I want to do? Probably...but it'll give me more time to do what I need to do.
Will I have to sacrifice some? Probably.
Will I still feel like I have to defend how I spend my time? Definitely but hopefully I've reassessed enough to have confidence that I don't have to explain to everyone.