In the past, when asked to do something I really don't have time to do (or really don't want to do), it seems like I've been able to do it without a problem.
I guess this has changed.
Over the past couple weeks, I have found myself to be
1- There's too much that I want to do.
2 - I get easily distracted and often have lots of "projects" going on at one time - because of #1
3 - For whatever reason, I feel like I have to defend what I do with my time, and explain to others why I don't have time for something they want me to do. If I don't feel like I have an adequate explanation, or if I feel like they're doubting me, (usually the latter), I'll usually just add the new task to my "projects".
(An easy example is that when asked by others what I do, saying "I stay at home with Sam" doesn't seem to be a significant enough answer. I don't think I've ever had the response, "oh wow! you must be busy". Usually, I just get silene and a questioning stare, as if to say, "annnnd....". Obviously there are moms with much more going on than I have. I've just got one little one for now. Honestly, there is time to handle a little more while I'm home with him. And trust me, I am doing that. However, I always catch myself feeling like I need to have 5 or 6 "things" to rattle off when asked that question. Doesn't taking care of a child encompass so many things?)
No one can ever know all that you have going on...probably not even your own family. This is only because lots of it is going on in your head. You know your own intentions which can cause, what I like to refer to as, mental chaos.
Before Sam, working full-time, trying to take care of a house, cooking every night and keeping up a good relationship with Bob kept me good and busy. I think most of us excel in a few areas and the others are always lacking...always needing more attention. Once Sam got here, I couldn't imagine working full-time and doing a good job training and caring for Sam, while keepinig up a good relationship with Bob.
Could I just keep Sam safe and Bob happy? Sure, but I'm called/charged to/responsible for doing so much more than that. And that takes a lot of time and energy.
So, what's the point of this post? Really I think I'm providing myself with some accountability. I got my hands in too much and I need to back off on some stuff.
Does that mean doing less of what I want to do? Probably...but it'll give me more time to do what I need to do.
Will I have to sacrifice some? Probably.
Will I still feel like I have to defend how I spend my time? Definitely but hopefully I've reassessed enough to have confidence that I don't have to explain to everyone.
6 comments:
oh Greta.. I have a post somewhere about the same thing. And having "just one" as you say IS a big deal. I think its harder mentally dealing with one than two only because you've never done it before. Mentally you wear yourself out just as you said, knowing all the things you want to do but still adjusting/learning how to deal with what you have. I was surprised that even with one how limited I was with outside the home ministry and/or commitments. And my sister and I laugh about how much more housework we get done with multiple kids as opposed to when we had one. Big Jorge used to come (when I had Jorgito only) and wonder what I had done all day. ;-) it wasn't that I couldn't have done more, but it was just a harder adjustment to time management and dealing with a little one than I was used to. By the time #2 arrived, you get the hang of it although you still don't have much time for things outside of the home.
BTW, you are doing the most important job in the world and whether you have one or ten, its all self-sacrificing work. And God will bless you for it.
http://rachelgarcia77.blogspot.com/2007/05/pour-me-out.html
that is the link to the post that I wrote last year, similar to what you are talking about, as far as the importance placed on your job as stay at home mom to sam...aannnd nothin' else!
oh Greta- i hear you. i know i started my comment the same as rachel (the sweet girl who wrote above me- i don't know you but i loved your response!)
i feel that i could write a small book about what you just said in a nutshell...first off, let me just say that i love your honesty, and i love that you are just that open and real...
what you are doing with little Sam, and loving and caring for Bob- pouring into that relationship...and keeping up your home is THE single most important thing you can be doing. I really believe that the world starts at home. If the home is out of order (or the relationships within) the world gets out of order...these are my personal convictions- not because i have attained some sort of orderly home and family status- but i believe this with all of my heart- the same way i believe Jesus is God- even though I have never seen him- does that make sense? I am striving to keep my hom/family first (after God) because I believe it is the most important place to pour all of my love and energy into....there are sooo many good things I could be doing (and many of my friends and loved ones do them, and somehow seem to pull it all off- family, job, ministry- but really- i don't think it is all what is seems- something has to give!)
i know that i feel this nagging something in my spirit if i am gone too long from the girls, even if I am gone out shopping by myself without them! Some peopel may think that is a little extreme, but I just know at this stage anyway- they need me! And Sam needs you- and you are right to cut back on things that are taking you from your home.
I do agree that it gets easier with the more that you have....they play together/you make a meal anyway- just add alittle more to the recipe/ect...although the LAUNDRY is the only part that gets over whelming with so many little ones....but if you can stay home and not be distracted by all these other *good* things, the laundry will get done!
God did not intend for us to be srtessed out as mothers. he wants us to be carefree and happy- loving out place in the home...sometimes i feel bad for my husband- having to go out into the workplace and deal with all the stress of the world....i sometimes feel like a princess in the castle, who gets to play with her children all day (and keep up with the clothes and dishes)and make her prince feel like the most loved man- with such a happy bride!
i know that's how God wants it- in our western world, we are WAY to busy- and the church can be blamed for it a lot of the time......i hear you- to say the least.....you just do what you need to do, and look them straight in the eye- keep your head up high, and smile, knowing you are right where you should be- content in your home!your children, and husband (and in turn, the world around you) will be better for it! you will be a happy mommy:)....and there is nothing better....cuz when mama aint happy aint no one happy! ;)
i think you struck a nerve in me....
eh hem....let me step off my little box now....
don't even know if my tangent relates to your original post, but it is waht was inside upon reading it...sorry if it is only helpful for myself:) i really just wanted to encourage you that staying home is so worth is and you don't have to prove that to anyone by adding all these others "good" things to your list of credentials;)
I'm just starting the adjustments on parenthood and time management. I can tell it is going to be a long journey....
I think that you are doing an amazing thing- staying home with Sam and taking care of your family. It is wild how much time a child does take up and it is not an easy job, although completely rewarding. I hope that you find the balance you need!!!... not what others think you should have.
Awesome post Greta! Staying home and committing to our families first is counter to our culture. I think it takes a lot of confidence in knowing what we are doing is right for our families and we are fulfilling our calling. God Bless.
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